It Begins with You

November 4, 2024
Jillian on Love podcaster Turecki centers her uneven debut on the principle that romantic partnerships “reflect... the relationship we have with ourselves.” Outlining how to “break through the barriers” that prevent emotional intimacy, she asks readers to identify harmful patterns they perpetuate in their love lives (“Could I be more discerning in choosing a partner?... When do I struggle to communicate?”); to rework limiting internal narratives that squash rational thinking (“What am I focusing on? What else could this mean?”); and to tell the truth to themselves and others, or risk “resentment, disconnection, and the utter disempowerment that comes from losing ourselves to fear instead of expressing who we are.” Turecki, who was the subject of her psychiatrist father Stanley Turecki’s book The Difficult Child, concludes with a revealing chapter about making peace with one’s parents in order to avoid recreating their toxic relationship patterns. In it, she writes that a “big sign of my personal growth is that I do not date men anymore who are similar to the worst parts of my father.” Turecki’s core tenets are sound, though a tendency to restate her central message—that a relationship is a mirror of oneself—in different ways lends the book a repetitive feel. Readers seeking dating advice have more comprehensive options to choose from.